TDOR 2024

This year's Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil was hosted by Nottingham Trans Collective, with Nottingham Against Transphobia and Notts Trans Hub. It's the first time I've been on the Portland Steps (aka Djanogly Terrace). It's a sort of amphitheatre with a big screen and fountains. It feels a good space, a community space.

I hadn't gone to a TDOR vigil for a few years. (I did go to the one for Brianna Ghey in 2023.) Since it moved out of the city centre, the venues have always been inconvenient. Both Clifton and the University are the wrong side of town for me and going round the Ring Road at that time of day is a pain. But this year it felt important to attend, given the prevailing climate:

Ever increasing hate crime, propagated by a callous cum malicious mass media to further its own interests. A cowardly prime minister with TERF-adjacent cabinet set on implementing the politically motivated bullshit that was the Cass Report. An impending trans-hating Christo-fascist US government with full control of the legislature. And on. And on.

So I made the effort. It was cold but everyone dressed warm. (Me: afghan coat, chunky mohair jumper, bobble hat in trans colours.) A huge trans flag appeared on the giant screen – and disappeared to leave us in candlelight – then reappeared and disappeared, ad repetitum. We listened to and applauded speeches and poems and such. When those had finished we were invited inside for food and fellowship.

I went home.

I like social situations less and less. I don't want to talk. I avoid conversation when I can. I don't have anything to say anyway. I haven't posted here in months. All I have is unexpressed and unorganized feelings, mostly of a lugubrious nature.

But as Amelia from the Hub said beforehand: It was “a chance for us to come together, honor, and remember”. That much at least I can do.

Earrings.

So not breast cancer then. One harmless lipoma and the rest gynaecomastia. All the same, the circumstance of a non-transitioning, non-medicating, sort of mtf, sort of trans person having “woman” problems of whatever kind does have a certain piquancy. A cosmic joke from the trans goddess if you will.

But more importantly...

Earrings.

Since I had my ears done last December, I've been buying earrings.

These were the first (and most expensive)...

Neometal threadless. Swarovski crystals. They go in from behind the ear, which is tricky. My fastest time is 1:15 (both ears), but I can spend 6 minutes or more when fumbling about.

I have some standard front-loading studs too...

But mostly I'm buying drops...

All 925 sterling silver. An “affordable option”, as they say.

Now I'm thinking about hoops. 9ct gold perhaps and a proper size. Nothing discrete. Femme as fuck or fuck the fuck off.

What do you reckon? :)

Thirteen.

This blog.

Today.

I remembered this time.

On my early anniversaries I used to write about stats, so...

Total page views
As of this precise moment – 281,236

Page views per month
Since I'm not writing anything much, PVPM have dropped from an all-time high of 5389 but are still rarely below 1000. Just four occasions in thirteen years: 922, 957, 927 (all Januaries - dunno why) and 577 (September 2022). What happened that month, bots?!?

Highest offsite referrals
Google, Reddit, T-Central (thanks, Calie), Twitter (nuts to X, Musk, you bellend), YATGB (thanks, Lynn).

Most popular posts
Straight male femme
In vision (3) - male bodies, female clothes
Underdressing
Sissies, Trannies, and Jeffreys
Radical Femme
Nice to see my two longest posts in that list. Though of course it doesn't mean people actually read them all the way through. Maybe more words just means more terms to be picked up by a search engine. Regarding which...

Search keywords
Nothing too surprising: “male femme”, “genderqueer language”, “femme male”, “femme guys”, and suchlike.
Except for: “site:blogspot.com mother I'd like to fuck language:en”.
Say what?!?!
Googling that myself brings up 46,800 results. Looking at the first few, none seems to have any relevance. I guess if you've ever used the words “mother”, “like”, and “fuck” somewhere, you're going to get flagged by that search – and disappoint the searchers.
Dumping this entire blog in Word and Replacing whole word by nothing (Word then tells you how many times it's done that), I see I've used those particular words 18, 404, and 20 times respectively. 404 seems like an awful lot (error 404).
Some more searches: “femme” 704; “butch” 204; “genderqueer” 63; “transvestite” 53; “non-binary” 62; “trans” 507; “gender” 680; “sex” 194; “woman” 163; “man” 117; “the” 3608; “a” 4064, “and” 3003; “I” 3519;
“me” 578. Fascinating.

Number of posts per year
I identify four phases:
Initial enthusiasm (2011-12) – 23, 17
Consolidation (2013-16) – 14, 13, 12, 12
Fatigue (2017-20) – 9, 5, 7, 6
Barely alive (2021-24) – 3, 5, 4, 1 (so far, this one)

But I'm still here.

*waves* to anyone still following.

Sixty.

Me.

Today.

So it's official: I'm no longer middle-aged. I'm now on the last leg of my threescore years and ten. And if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow. Which raises the question of what to do with them.

Dedicate myself to good works for the benefit of humanity.

Sit on the sofa watching TV with a big box of pork rinds, living life to its fullest, as per Homer J. Simpson.

Sneak the equivalent of 36 big barrels of gunpowder into the Westminster cellars and raze the edifice of corruption to the ground.

Get my ears pierced.

I might do that last one there.

Gone AWOL.

I've hardly blogged at all this year. Anywhere. Just twice here. Just twice on my chess blog. And I'm three months behind on my buying records blog. I've gone AWOL.

Meanwhile, I see Lynn still blogs every week. Or more. Since 2005. I think her 1000th post was in May. One thousand posts. Respect is due :)

In a recent one, she flagged the following online thingy:

IDR 7 Identities Test

Okay, I've just done that.

The only result I'd question there is Transgender. Hmmm. 76%. I'm not sure I feel quite so trans. But I guess it all depends how you define it.

On the other hand, my Gender Fluid and Genderqueer percentages could certainly be higher. I guess they're held back by my not being as public as I feel. I could always work on that. Try and bump up my scores a bit. Enough perhaps to get a badge or a certificate or something.

Something like this:

With the appropriate warning: “Heteronormative Actions By Holder May Cause Card To Be Revoked.”

So be careful.

Skirts and Boots.

So I went to my niece's wedding as planned. Here we both are:

Obviously she wins in the fashion stakes there. And it's very nice to see her looking so happy :)

As for me, it didn't actually take much nerve at all. (I mean, I'm nearly 60; why the fuck am I even still thinking about this shit?!) But reactions were interesting in one (or two) respect(s)...

The women (the younger ones anyway) were all: “Ooo, fabulous skirt, where did you get it?” To answer that: from someone called Linda, who makes “gothic victorian steampunk” gear and flogs it on eBay.

The men en masse said nothing. No antipathy, no funny looks (at least that
I noticed), but no comment. Perhaps it's simply that straight men mostly aren't interested in clothes. They were all, as you'd expect, well turned out in their suits and ties. Maybe they felt quite smart wearing them. Or at least properly attired to accompany straight women in an array of spectacular frocks. But I'd guess the guys would be equally – or more – content to dress less formally.

Apart, that is, from famous relative, who wore a white jacket and trousers and fetching yellow scarf.

And who did comment – approvingly with "You've dressed up for the wedding!"

Well, yes. Yes, I have, Ian :)

I've also started using an eyebrow pencil. If anyone's noticed that, they haven't said anything. Perhaps I know too many straight men.

Boots. (2)

Four months later, I have another new pair of boots. Well, secondhand pair of boots. They were advertised on eBay as “drag queen boots”. I bid on them anyway – a last six seconds sniper's bid – and got them for £5.50 plus p&p. £10.82 all told. Sweet.

And they fit, which is by no means a given with eBay footwear purchases. Here's what they look like with my aforementioned skirt.

Frankly, this post is just an excuse to post that picture – which I like because of the way it's taken: with a small reflected sun where my face should be.

Now the question is whether I have the nerve to wear boots and skirt to my niece's wedding next month. She'll be disappointed if I don't.

Boots.

You keep saying you got something for me. Skirts, check. Tights, check. (What else with skirts?) How about footwear?

I've already mentioned my humming bird boots, once or twice. People seem to like these...

Now I have a new pair of boots. My youngest niece arranged with her multiple siblings to buy me some DMs for Christmas. She'd mentioned DMs before, and later asked my shoe size, so I was more than half expecting them. But not the colour...

Aren't they grand :)

Sod the whole of last year. 2023 is going to kick. Something or someone.

Are you ready, boots? Start walking.